Deadliest warriors of all history
Postal Dude vs Hatred Guy
Postal Dude info:
Height: Roughly 6 foot
Weight: Roughly 170lbs
Weapons: M16, Pistol, Machete, Molotov Cocktails, Scissors
Strengths: Skilled in most weapons. Uncaring for human life allowing him to show no mercy to those who attack him.
Weakness: Like all humans Postal Dude can only take so much damage before dying.
Hatred Guy info:
Height: 6 foot 4
Weight: Roughly 220 pounds
Weapons: AK-47, Pistol, Combat Knife, Grenades, Flamethrower
Strengths: Skilled in several different kinds of firearms and ballistic weaponry. Extremely high pain tolerance allowing him to barely react to most gunshots. Possesses a burning hatred of all life allowing him to never show mercy no matter who he is killing.
Weaknesses: Hatred Guy has one goal in life, to die and take as many people as possible with him, this means he is completely uncaring for his own life and makes no effort to defend himself when he is attacked simply fighting back as the bullets rain through him.
“Once again your Pit-bull Terrier by the name of Champ has been claimed by Paradise Pound, if he is not picked up and the fine paid by the end of the day he will be put to sleep, yadda yadda yadda five hundred dollars, really should have used stronger stuff for his leash” Postal Dude muttered to himself reading the red pen lettered notice he had received through his letter box as he walked through the Mall to get to the Pound. This was the third time Champ had been caught this month and that was probably why the fine was so high this time forcing him to run several odd jobs that morning just to raise up enough funds.
Whistling as he reached the pound he shoved the door open pulling out the wad of ten dollar bills he had in his pockets “me again Greta, I’m here to pick up Champ again, he chewed straight through the belt I had used to tie him up, gonna use a chain next time I promise” he called out not paying attention to his surroundings as he counted the money until he tripped on something nearly landing flat on his face “what the fuck?”.
Looking down Postal Dude grimaced when he found that he had tripped over a bullet ridden body, the look of terror and agony still fresh on the man’s face “what the hell happened here?” he pondered glancing up to realize that the entire place had been shot to hell, bullet holes riddling every wall and surface along with dozens of corpses littering the floor “looks like someone had a bad day, wonder if those Al-Qaeda boys are acting up again” he added drawing his Pistol before he headed deeper into the Pound.
“No! Please don’t! Please!”
“Shut the fuck up maggot!” Hatred Guy snarled as he unloaded the last bullet in his AK magazine into the cowering receptionists head sneering with disgust as her brains splattered against the walls “filthy worthless worms” he spat in contempt as he reloaded his Assault Rifle. Having continued his rampage outside of his home town Hatred Guy had stumbled upon the town of Paradise and found its name deliciously ironic deciding to turn it into a living hell for all its inhabitants. Holstering his AK he turned to find one of the men he had shot when he stormed in trying desperately to crawl away making him growl with fury drawing his Combat Knife as he marched over to his victim, grabbing the man by his hair he dragged him up pressing the Knife to his throat.
“Somebody has issues” Postal Dude quipped as he walked in drawing Hatred Guy’s attention making him growl as he heartlessly slit his victims throat.
“Another worthless parasite”.
“Oh you’re funny, my old man used to call me that all the time, he’s dead now” Postal Dude retorted with a threatening smirk cocking his Pistol as Hatred Guy shoved his victims corpse to the ground and stood to tower over Postal Dude “so there’s two ways we could do this, you can step aside so that I can pick up my dog or I fill you full of lead, your choice shithead”.
Gritting his teeth in annoyance at Postal Dude’s cocky arrogance the taller man proceeded to sheathe his Knife back into his belt. Taking the action as the larger man standing down Postal Dude lowered his Pistol moving to walk around Hatred Guy only for him to grab him by the throat in a vice like grip before charging him across the room slamming him against the wall drawing his own Pistol and aiming it at the smaller man’s head “you honestly thought I’d let a filthy piece of shit like you walk away still breathing?!” the larger man snarled pulling the hammer back on his weapon “any last words before I end your miserable fucking existence?”.
“Yeah, you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Postal Dude quipped back firing a shot at Hatred Guy’s midsection skimming his side enough to make him recoil enough to move his weapon allowing Postal Dude the chance to Pistol whip the larger man hard across the brow making him stumble back with a loud curse. Deciding not to waste bullets on what seemed to be an easy kill with Hatred Guy gripping his forehead Postal Dude holstered his Pistol and draw his Machete from under his duster coat swinging it forward as Hatred Guy aimed his Pistol jamming the Blade straight through the Firearm rendering it useless as the muzzle shattered into pieces.
Letting out a frustrated growl Hatred Guy grabbed at Postal Dude’s arm as the smaller man swung again catching him by his forearm before the Machete could reach him, using his free arm he then redrew his Combat Knife taking a wild stab at the smaller man’s head only for him to duck out of the way causing the Blade to jam in to the wall nearly to the hilt “that’s it, struggle more, it just makes the kill all the more satisfying” Hatred Guy sneered wrenching his Knife out of the wall before throwing Postal Dude across the room causing him to crash into the Pounds waiting room’s chairs.
Postal Dude grunted with pain as he crashed through the chairs sending them flying hitting the floor hard “you are some kind of messed up” he groaned staggering to his feet and quickly swinging around with a Machete slash when he heard Hatred Guy marching towards him, his weapon just barely cutting across the larger man’s chest slicing through more shirt than skin. Grinning ferally Hatred Guy proceeded to grab Postal Dude by the throat again prompting the smaller man to slash at his arm to defend himself, jamming his Machete into the psychopath’s forearm causing him to exclaim with pain dropping the smaller man to draw his arm back ripping the Machete out of his flesh and throwing it aside.
Hitting the floor hard again Postal Dude quickly made a retreat drawing the several scissors he kept in his coat and throwing them at Hatred Guy as the larger man sheathed his Knife again and redrew his AK-47. Cackling wildly the large gothic man rained bullets at Postal Dude as he scrambled away, littering the walls with more holes firing wildly at his target “you can’t run forever maggot!” he roared as Postal Dude took refuge in a nearby supply room
“I’m not trying to run asshole” Postal Dude spat back as he drew a Molotov from under his coat along with his lighter igniting the vodka soaked rag and hurling it around the corner of the supply closets doorway gasping as a bullet nicked his arm as he did so. Hearing the tell-tale shatter of the Molotov shattering Postal Dude waited in hopes of hearing Hatred Guy burning to death but only constant gun fire rang through the air before suddenly stopping. Had he simply kept firing whilst he burned? That question was soon answered when a Grenade was thrown into the room “shit!”.
Diving to the other side of the storage room Postal Dude braced himself for the explosion, curling up into a tight ball in the corner covering his ears the Grenade went off destroying nearly everything on the shelves showering him in debris. With loud ringing in his ears Postal Dude quickly rose back to his feet dusting himself off and drawing the M16 Assault Rifle he had strapped to his back cocking it in preparation for shooting back. When he turned the corner out of the supply room though Postal Dude nearly received a scolding blast of fire straight to his face making him realize that Hatred Guy had ran out of AK-47 ammo and had now changed to his even more formidable weapon, a large two tanked Flamethrower that had been strapped to his back which Hatred Guy now wielded with a manic grin on his face “burn you fucking worm!” Hatred Guy bellowed sending another stream of flames at Postal Dude forcing him back into the other room for cover.
“Mother fucker!” Postal Dude cursed as he found himself trapped in the supply closet, glancing around he luckily found a back door at the other side of the room shooting off the lock before kicking it open to bail out back onto the Mall’s floor outside the Pound. He could have just ran right then and there to ensure his survival but he couldn’t just leave Champ to his fate, circling back to the entrance of the Pound Postal Dude found Hatred Guy making his way to where the animals were kept obviously enraged by the constant noise coming from that direction.
Raising his M16 Postal Dude fired several rounds at Hatred Guy hitting him a couple of times in the shoulders with the rest narrowly missing although one managed to nick one of the tubes of his Flamethrower causing gas to steadily escape. “So the worm refuses to lay in the dirt and die” Hatred Guy spat before turning around and charging at Postal Dude blasting flames as he did so, the damaged pipe causing the Flamethrower to malfunction slightly putting out much smaller flames because of the reduced gas flow allowing Postal Dude to simply back track out of the way firing back wildly in retaliation.
Grunting as several bullets struck him in the arms and sides Hatred Guy proceeded to dump his Flamethrower deeming it useless before drawing his Combat Knife and launching himself at Postal Dude as he reloaded, barrelling him over causing him to drop his M16 to grab the larger man’s arm as he tried to stab down into his head. Straining against Hatred’s guys much stronger arm Postal Dude began to sweat heavily as his Knife steadily got closer to his head gritting his teeth as he felt the tip of the Blade press against the skin of his forehead. Feeling his arm weaken Postal Dude scrambled his free hand around to try to find anything to fight back with eventually grabbing hold of a pair of Scissors he had thrown earlier stabbing it wildly into Hatred Guy’s shoulder before jamming it into his neck, not deep enough to cut the jugular but enough to make the taller man recoil in pain allowing Postal Dude to kick him off with a strong boot to the stomach.
The escape plan quickly proved to be far from perfect though as soon as Postal Dude rolled over to get back onto his feet he felt the piercing agony of the Combat Knife being driven into the back of his leg “fucker!” he snapped starting to kick at Hatred Guys face until he finally recoiled back again only for the larger man to drag him back and force him onto his back raising his Knife up high. Grabbing Postal Dude by the throat Hatred Guy readied his Blade over his head again to end his life when loud frantic barking drew his attention back to the Pound, he had thought that he had slaughtered all the animals along with the people but turning his head he noticed in the doorway to the back one cage remained with a Pitbull Terrier inside.
Snarling at his mistake Hatred Guy proceeded to drive his Knife into Postal Dude’s shoulder making the smaller man exclaim in pain before rising to his feet “you can die slowly” he growled convinced that the wound he had inflicted was enough to make his victim bleed out as he started to walk back into the Pound drawing another Grenade from his trench coat “the mongrel can die first”.
“Get the fuck away from my dog!” Postal Dude barked as he forced himself to sit up pulling out another Molotov and lighting it before throwing it at Hatred Guys back. The flaming bottle hitting the larger man square between the shoulders causing his coat to burst into flames instantly making Hatred Guy cry out with agony as his skin immediately started to burn and smoulder.
His cry of pain didn’t last long though as it quickly turned to cold maniacal laughter “so this is what it’s like to burn” he chuckled darkly turning back to Postal Dude spreading his arms wide “you’re giving me what I fucking want, you’re merely preparing me for Hell” he sneered pulling the pin of his Grenade “and you can come to Hell with me!”.
Just as he was about to launch himself at Postal Dude to kill them both with the Grenade Champ threw himself at his cage door shattering the old lock before charging at the psychopath, jumping up to bite down on his arm forcing him to drop the Grenade which went off a few feet away after hitting the ground sending Hatred Guy flying across the room along with Champ. “Champ!” Postal Dude cried out seeing his Dog hit the wall hard before falling in a heap on the floor, ignoring the sharp pain in his leg he forced himself up to his feet dragging the Combat Knife out of his shoulder before lunging at Hatred Guy as he staggered to his feet.
Impacting hard against Hatred Guys back Postal Dude barely made the larger man stumble before he didn’t care, stabbing wildly at his enemies neck and shoulders making the psychopath curse and snarl with pain and fury reaching back and grabbing at him “this is what you get for hurting my dog!” Postal Dude growled aiming to ram the Blade into the back of Hatred Guys skull only for the larger man to reach back just in time to block the stab getting the Knife straight through his hand making him exclaim and elbow Postal Dude hard in the side sending him flying off of him.
Wrenching the Knife out of his hand Hatred Guy tossed it aside as the Blade broke off from the hard pull turning around to find his dropped AK-47 laying just outside the Pounds doorway. Deciding that his target had been breathing long enough he made his way towards the Rifle only to exclaim as a bullet tore through his shoulder shortly followed by another one blasting itself way through his knee cap sending him crashing to the floor. Upon landing Postal Dude had luckily been thrown right next to his discarded Pistol and was now unloading the rest of the clip as he rose to his feet firing bullet after bullet into Hatred Guy until the clip ran dry.
When the gunfire stopped Hatred guy spat out a wave of blood slowly collapsing to support himself on his elbow as his free hand held the bullet wounds on his stomach “so it finally ends” he wheezed rolling over to sit against the glass barrier that prevented people from falling over the edge to the floor below “at long last”. Coughing up another wave of blood Hatred Guy then let out a loud maniacal laugh grabbing the pins of his remaining Grenades pulling them all out to go out with as much destruction as possible.
“Oh no you fucking don’t!” Postal dude growled running up to deliver a powerful kick to Hatred Guy’s chest shattering the barrier behind him and sending him sailing over the edge to the floor below, his body hitting the ground with a sickening ‘crack!’ before his Grenades went off destroying his body in a fiery explosion. “Fucking psycho” Postal Dude spat over the edge onto the blackened mark that now stained the lower floor before turning to check on Champ, happy to find that the Dog had luckily survived and was now limping up to the edge where he stood cocking his leg to relieve himself onto the mark below “good boy”.
Winner: Postal Dude
Whilst Hatred Guy had sheer physical force behind him being taller and bulkier than the much slighter Postal Dude his suicidal nature prevented him from fighting smart whilst Postal Dude’s will to survive prevailed (I know you can suicide in Postal 2 but that’s not the goal of the game).